In Theaters This Weekend: Thanksgiving brings four new movies, not much to be thankful for

24 Nov

Every Thanksgiving we have a tradition around the Will It Suck? house – the annual “who can eat the most turkey and stuffing before they barf” competition. However, once everything is cleaned up, we like to hit the nearest multiplex and indulge in our other turkey-day tradition – checking out the new Thanksgiving weekend movies. Traditionally, the studios give us big name movies to sink our teeth into over this long holiday weekend, but the latest ‘Harry Potter’ installment came out last week, and the big action flicks (Tron Legacy) and comedies (Gulliver’s Travels, Little Fockers) are waiting for a Christmas release. So, what is it that we’re getting this time around, and will it be worth spending time in theaters this weekend? Let’s see…

Christina Aguilera Burlesque StarBurlesque stars Christina Aguilera in her first major role alongside Cher, in kind of a cross between Cabaret and Coyote Ugly. A girl heads to Los Angeles to chase her dreams, and works her way up from clumsy waitress to big-time burlesque star at a local nightclub. Cher is the owner/mentor of the club in the role Maria Bello played in ‘Ugly,’ but while Aguilera is much more of a talent than Piper Perabo, she’s definitely no Liza, and aside from being entertaining during the show scenes, the rest of the movie just looks painful to watch. I can’t imagine Xtina’s acting chops are finely tuned quite yet, and frankly, without an interesting subplot involving Nazi Germany, Burlesque comes off a little less “All That Jazz,” and a little more Pussycat Dolls revue.

Jake and AnneIf you’re looking for a date night for dessert, you might want to check out Love and Other Drugs, starring Jake Gyllenhaal as a sleazy drug rep making big money selling Viagara, and Anne Hathaway as the free spirit he meets and begins to fall for. However, this isn’t the fun, light-hearted romantic comedy you might need after a long day of food and family; this is a tear-jerker of the worst kind. Hathaway’s character gets sick with early signs of Parkinson’s, and she pushes away Gyllenhaal, who just wants to help. What’s the deal here? Can’t we just get a happy comedy to close out our day on a high note? This shouldn’t be too awful of a movie, with Jake and Anne being charming enough as a couple (remember their loving marriage in Brokeback Mountain?), but the film also stars Josh Gad, the poor-man’s Jonah Hill, and let’s not forget that if we wanted to cry on Thanksgiving, we’d just spend more time with our family.

Dwayne "The Rock" JohnsonIf you’re looking for a movie with a bit more meat and sweet potatoes, try Faster starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. A revenge flick, where The Rock checks names off a list of people he holds responsible  for the murder of his brother, and by “checks off” we mean “guns down in plain sight.” A vigilante movie with a blue collar vibe, we can’t think of anything that has us gunning to see this one, not even Billy Bob Thornton as the cop that’s tasked with tracking the amateur hit-man down. We’ll wait for True Grit this Christmas to get our revenge-flick fix.

Disney's new Rapunzel updateAnd rounding out the Thanksgiving movie releases is Tangled, Disney’s new animated 3D take on the Rapunzel fairy tale. Possibly your best bet if you’re looking for something light after such a heavy meal, the film stars the voices of Mandy Moore and TV’s “Chuck” Zachary Levi, as the princess and her hunky liberator. After years of being locked up, Rapunzel cures her case of cabin fever by letting her hair down (yes, all of it), and gorging on life experiences. With great 3D graphics that give the characters the depth of very well made clay figures, this movie’s eye-candy and light-hearted subject matter might just make it the pick for this relatively slow Thanksgiving season.

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