Rejoice! Star Wars: The Force Awakens – Teaser Trailer #1

1 Dec

A long time ago, in movie theaters all across the world, we had to sit through a Star Wars reboot in The Phantom Menace, that never did what it was supposed to do… I mean, sure there were bright spots, like new spaceships, a kick-ass soundtrack that charted on MTV’s Total Request Live, and Darth Maul – the baddest villain in the galaxy, wielding a double-sided lightsaber(!)……but by the time it was over, that guy had been cut in half, and dropped down a reactor pit, along with all of our hopes of the Star Wars prequel trilogy we had been waiting for a generation to see…

(sigh)....we hardly knew ye

(sigh)….we hardly knew ye

But that….that is all about to change:

That’s right Jedis and Padawans – the new Star Wars…post-quel(??) is in production, and the first teaser trailer has broken the Internets (take that Kim Kardashian!)

Helmed by director J.J. Abrams, this new trilogy is poised to be the Star Wars sequel we’ve always wanted; the one we’ve always needed…I guess you could say it’s his destiny. And with nary a George Lucas in sight to muck things up with pages and pages of trade negotiations, the slick new trailer is fun, and frightening, and fantastic, all at once.

Opening on a desert planet (Tatooine?), the first glimpse of life is a helmet-less stormtrooper, in the midst of what appears to be a frantic escape. Followed (in order) by: a new soccerball droid, a wave of storm-para-troopers preparing for battle, a homegrown misfit who appears to be our female protagonist, X-Wings skimming the surface of a planet-based battle, and wait…..what’s this:

I think I just wet myself...

I think I just wet myself…

A new villain, and a new lightsaber….with a hilt! Holy smokes, if there ever was a Star Wars god answering prayers, he must have heard mine! The clip is rounded out by the booming sounds of the original score we’ve come to know so well, and a loop-de-loop ride-along with the Millennium Falcon (which only promises that Han and Chewie aren’t far behind), leaving us with the aching feeling that December 2015 couldn’t come soon enough.

But what’s it all mean?

So many things to go through here, that had all been picked over by nerd-blogs 30 minutes after this thing hit the web, but we’ll start with the main controversy (if you even want to call it that) – the black stormtrooper. Now, whoever this guy is (actor John Boyega, but that’s not important), he’s clearly in a stormtrooper outfit….and from what we learned from the prequels, all stormtroopers were originally clones of Jango Fett….who was clearly not a black guy.

Not black.

Not black.

But over the course of six movies, and 60 years of fighting an endless war, maybe the Empire ran out of clones and needed to hire some actual people to staff it’s massive army? Or maybe, as we’ve seen in previous Star Wars movies, he’s just dressing up like a stormtrooper, to maybe rescue a princess from a space station? I don’t know what the deal is, but he appears to be our protagonist, or at least one of them. A female is seen jetting off on a speeder bike, resembling maybe a Luke Skywalker-esque hero, who is looking for some action away from her desolate desert home planet? What’s clear from the clip is there are going to be an all-new cast of characters in this film, because so far, we haven’t even seen our Lukes, Leias and Hans, even though we know they are all signed up and ready to go. But enough about the good guys…

(gulp)...

(gulp)…

The MOST talked about thing in this new trailer, was not a black stormtrooper, or the Millennium Falcon, or even the bad guy himself – it was all about that lightsaber…with a strange and fantastic new T-shaped hilt, it was so intriguing, even Stephen Colbert had to take time away from talking to a ham loaf with glasses to weigh in on it:

You don't question a nerd who speaks Elvish...

You don’t question a nerd who speaks Elvish…

Of course, there have been many variations of lightsabers over the years: different colors, double-sided, even lightsaber whips (if you delve into the expanded universe). But it’s always fun to see a new saber, and isn’t the Dark Side so much cooler than the Jedi, anyway? No telling who this cloaked figure is, but judging by the red blade, he’s most likely bad, and judging by the cast listing, he’s most likely Adam Driver. We liked him in Girls, and can’t wait to see who his character turns out to be. Will this be the main bad-guy for the entire Ep. 7/8/9 Trilogy, or are they going to jazz us up with someone cool, only to get rid of him, one movie in (see above: Darth Maul)? Hopefully they’ve learned their lesson and keep the heavy around for all three episodes. After all, did they kill off Darth Vader one movie in? No, they kept him around for all three movies, and guess what – we loved it!

So, ultimately, the question remains, will it suck?

No. One-hundred-thousand times, No. The Walt Disney Co. paid big bucks for Lucasfilm and the rights to the Star Wars franchise, and they poached the most able-bodied director in J.J. Abrams, who just recently pumped some much needed juice into the Star Trek movies (although, admittedly Into Darkness kinda sucked). But despite Super 8 being a poor-man’s E.T. knock-off, and Lost you know, kind of falling apart, Abrams gave fans a new hope. That maybe someday they’d make a cool Star Wars sequel that aged with us (we’re too old now to play with Ewoks), had an edge, some sex appeal, and made us the cool ones for once, for liking it. Well, that day may not have come yet, but at least we know they’re trying, and this is our best-bet to put the wind back in our sails, after Phantom Menace and Co. sucked all the air out. Are we excited to see The Force Awakens when it comes out next December? You betcha! But will we start lining up now, camping out to be first in line? Well, let’s just put it this way – wild tauntauns couldn’t drag us away.

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